I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
