i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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