dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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