I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
