I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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