I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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