i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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