The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize