no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
