your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
