I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
