Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
