you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
