Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
