Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
