Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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