After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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