No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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