I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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