She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
