my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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