nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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