ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
