my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
