a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
