I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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