i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
