Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
