escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
