No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize