I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
