after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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