I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
