10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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