The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
