I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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