Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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