he referred to my room as the tit cave...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
