I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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