so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
