fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
