Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
