Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
