man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
