My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
