her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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