A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize