carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
