she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
where are my eyebrows?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
