THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The air was thick with penises
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
