I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
