even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
