I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
