Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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