my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize