your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
