The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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