Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
