She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize