All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
