you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
