i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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