morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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