Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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