This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
