Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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