i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Buhtt sex?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
40s are totally the cure
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
