dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
