Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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